They say shopping is therapy...NOT

The hardest thing when you have a great fashion sense, like mine, is not finding the pieces you want in your size. Now I've seen girls squeeze themselves into clothes that clearly hurt their blood circulation. Boo, you got into it but it does not fit!!!! That is not cute.

Anywho, how many times have you spent hours in a freakin store, going through rack after rack to walk out empty handed? Or better yet, there are plus size racks but everything looks like a couch cover, a grandmas curtain or straight out of a Salem witch movie? Wait there is worst, they have cute stuff, it's says its plus size, yet absolutely nothing fits, and you end up feeling like the biggest looser ever, fat as hell with the urge of eating a bucket of chocolate ice-cream. And apparently i missed the memo that said that being fat means having lots of money. Try walking in a plus size store with a hundred bucks, you'll walk out with a pair of jeans and two panties, and that is not the sexy kind oh no, more like the parachute I'm on my period type. So yeah, if you're a size 12 or more, shopping is pretty much an acrobatic adventure where you should magically be able to shift fat from the front to the back to fit in and like what you're buying.  Seriously though, it is a super stressful experience where openminded-ness and creativity must merge for you to be slightly satisfied with your purchases. Building your sexy patate wardrobe requires patience and a great memory, as the pieces are gonna come from a variety of places you'll visit on different occasions, so you have to be able to remember almost everything you own and be able to match items in your head (which is sometimes fatal but that's a whole other story, coming up soon)

How about going to stores with your friends, your size 0, size 4, size 6 friends, who have no business going into the plus size specialized stores so you end up in all the tiny clothes stores where you know for a fact you'll find nothing that fits besides accessories but will love so many things, and your masochist self combs those racks with them, picturing the outfits you'd put together with this and that piece. That is until a rude salesperson snaps you out of it by saying "we don't carry this in your size". (Then you mentally rip her eyes out and break her neck).

That said I have become an expert sexy patate shopper, collecting unique clothing (one of the pluses, you rarely find people with the same outfits as you) and knowing exactly where to shop so no more wasting time. I also know my body type and size. Not everything that fits looks good, and even if you were a size 14 last time you shopped, it's ok to admit to yourself that now you are a size 18. The gut that is sitting right under your boobs is real, it does not go away because you think it does, so stop, do not buy that tight dress nor this bikini (anyway you are in the size range where they should not make bikinis and you should not even think of wearing one), put that crop top back on its hanger. Do grab a great pair of spanx though (i call them "ramasse graisse"), you can thank me later and no one will know.

Now next time you see one sexy patate, looking hella sexy and fine, take the time to compliment her because she put a whole lot of work, sweat (and probably self control) into looking this good. Never mind that she is probably only half breathing to keep everything wrapped up!

Big sis demanded I watch my mouth from now on, notice how I obliged. 

Until next time my fellow fatties, friends and readers (you too haters, I know y’all can’t help but secretly read). Stay fabulous! #teamsexypatate