Public Display Of...

So the other day, I went to happy hour with the sissies, and I saw a girl there, who inspired this post. Now I don’t know her, nor am I trying to put her down in any kind of way, she is just the lucky source of my inspiration for today.

I swear society has particular bias and ridiculous standards when it comes to the sexy patates, and whether you want to admit it or not, you all have judged us one time in your life based on those retarded unspoken guidelines.

For example, fat people eating in public. Yes we do eat, like any other person. No we are not going to consume the entire restaurant. Regardless of our weight, food is still a requirement to survive and we are not cave people, we do have manners and know how to sit at the table and eat properly. If you’ve ever gone out eating with me, you’d probably realize that most of the time (if not always) I will eat less then everybody at the table and that’s not because I’m watching my mouth, I just don’t eat that much. People are big for an array of different reasons, not saying that eating a lot is not one, I’m just saying that the looks you give us, when eating in public, you should really get smarter and stop it. It is a physiological need we all have. If, for some mysterious reason, it bothers you to see big people eat, let me give you a trick, just turn your head the other way. Now my sexy patates, please do eat with class in public (and preferably at home too), we have to accept that we do get scrutinized for eating in public, so how about shutting them up. Let’s leave the piggin’out for our rooms, when we are depressed.

How about dancing in public. First of all I want to put it out there, I am an excellent dancer! I can’t twerk for shit but I can do a mean yanvalou! Splits too!!! So yeah, don’t sit there with that ready to burst laughing face because I start bopping my head to the music. I am not about to embarrass myself, yeah my fat will jiggle a little (not if I have spanx on though) but I can absolutely keep up with the beat. Now that brings me to my “inspiration”. See I’m all for that confident patate who’s walking around the club like her shit don’t stink and like she can outdance every single person, but … first lets untuck that damn 2 size too small shirt in which all your rolls are let loose, then stop gyrating like you’re having a bad orgasm. Mimicking sex cannot be what you think dancing is. That goes for all girls, but I guess the fact that we are bigger and probably easier to notice (since we occupy more space), makes us the object of more jokes than most. Now now I know you are thinking again, “I don’t care what they think, Imma do me”, and I get it, but you and I know that it still affects you, deep down.

Now, next time you see a Sexy Patate at the restaurant or the club, just remember we are normal people, we eat, dance and have fun too. So if you have derogatory thoughts about us, just go fuck yourself, seriously.

Until next time my fellow fatties, friends and readers (you too haters, I know y’all can’t help but secretly read). Stay fabulous! #teamsexypatate

Haitians be like...

At times, I find people to be very insensitive and mean in their comments about big girls. How many time have I heard “li bèl wi pou grosè l’” (she’s pretty for her size); to which I wonder: why doesbeauty get automatically linked to size? I mean I clearly consider myself big, but I also believe I am gorgeous. So it really doesn’t register when they say that to me.
I do agree that certain people could look better if they lost or gained some weight, although, many times, it can simply be fixed by getting the right size clothes; but being big can’t automatically make you ugly. A big girl can be beautiful and even sexy, believe it or not. I remember meeting this guy, I was much younger then; he told me how sexy he thought I was. At the time, I laughed it off, then he told me “I’m serious, it’s not about your size, sexiness comes from within. It’s the way you carry yourself, the way you walk into a room, the way you dress. It just comes out naturally”. I never forgot his words, and with time I did end up understanding them. Sexiness does not mean being barely covered, or wearing super tight outfits, or flashy makeup. It does not come with a size limit either. It is a state of mind that oozes out of you, and shines from within. 

How many times do you meet people, not close friends, nor close family, and they just go “oh koman ou fè vinn gra konsa?” (how did you get so big?) These are the people I have to thank for teaching me personal restraint. You have no business commenting on my weight, you don’t know why my weight changed. If I don’t comment on my weight well you are not allowed to either, do I ask you why your face looks like an ass? No, because that is not polite!!! What makes you think that I’m ok with you talking about my weight.One time, this lady said to me “ou vin gra papa, ou ansent?” (you got big, are you pregnant). I just smiled and said no, but I just had a miscarriage (not true by the way but I never told her that). You should have seen her; she turned red, then green, probably some blue and purple too. Then she tried to apologize, too little too late since I had already walked away. That’s what she got forbeing so damn rude and nosy! I don’t know about other nations, but I really feel like my fellow Haitians do say whatever they please regardless of how inappropriate or hurtful it can be.
Now I’ve worked on myself so that comments like these don’t phase or hurt me anymore, but it wasn’t always the case. And I’m pretty sure many patates still have a hard time dealing with that.
Now I do not want people to think that I’m proning fatness and being overweight. On the contrary, I want everyone to be healthy, a sexy patate needs to be healthy; we can’t be seen out of breath and panting after a flight of stairs or anything. What I want, is for you to accept the fact that you are big, and that you can be beautifully big. Accept who you are, understand you size, learn how to dress your voluptuous body, wear flattering clothes, find out what enhances your beauty. You can decide to improve yourself, and if that means losing weight, then do it. But love yourself as it is, be sexy at any size, embrace YOU, the you that is inside, not the you people see. Society tried to define the standards of beauty, but I really think society deserves a big F* you for messing up women’s self-esteem.
Now, next time you see a Sexy Patate if you have nothing nice to say to her, how about shutting your mouth; that never killed anyone!
Until next time my fellow fatties, friends and readers (you too haters, I know y’all can’t help but secretly read). Stay fabulous! #teamsexypatate

The Closet Struggles

The problem with plus size clothing is that it literally takes 30 pounds for you to change sizes. Meaning that you won’t notice you’re gaining or losing weight until its 30 pounds too late, because you never stop being comfortable in that size. I know 30lbs sounds like a lot of weight, but I seem to gain it or lose it in the blink of an eye (more gain then lose). Now the problem with that is that you end up with so many different sizes in your closet that don’t always fit. So putting an outfit together, as a sexy patate, can be as hard as shopping. You have to become some creative artist with elastigirl super powers for things to fit right. 

Very often, when my sisters and I, decide to go out, I immediately start thinking about my outfit, doing that very “fatal” match up in my head that almost never works (why I keep doing it is beyond me). I usually have it down to the T, and it looks amazingly good too, that is until I put it on. My head says it’s a bangin’outfit, my body says sorry bitch, you’re just fat. It is almost never, ever right! Gut is out there, spanx shows, shirt’s too short… really never right! So at this point I’m showered, looking at that stupid closet as if it will magically sow me a superb outfit that actually fits, while the other girls just put on exactly what they pulled out. In the end I make everybody wait on me, and in their impatience, whatever else I ask them they say it’s good. At that point I know to double check my makeup because they will let me go out looking like a gold fish if that means being on our way and out of the house.

Now, in their defense, I probably have the most truthful and honest gang one can ask for. They won’thesitate to shut down an outfit real quick without sugarcoating it. I just wished all the patates out there had people like that around them. That would have saved a lot of girls from being made fun of by society because whether you say you care or not about what society thinks, truth is, deep down, deep deep down, right next to the spot where you store how much you dislike skinny people at the gym, you and I both know you do care, even if it is a little tiny bit.

Now, next time you’re going out, even if you feel totally confident about your outfit, and your friends say it’s hot, why not take a full body pic just to double-check, question of maintaining your sexy patate fabulosity.

Until next time my fellow fatties, friends and readers (you too haters, I know y’all can’t help but secretly read). Stay fabulous! #teamsexypatate

Big Girl Myths

I have heard a series of idiotic crap about big girls throughout the years, I usually try not to remember the mean things but you know what, sometimes what hurts you only make you fiercer. So I use it as my fuel, all this sexiness has to come from somewhere doesn’t it.

Big girls are easy. I beg to differ, desperate girls are easy, big girls are just voluptuously fat. I don’t know why people always think plus size women are easy to get in bed. Promiscuity has no logical relationship to size. I just don’t get it. Maybe, just maybe, someone sleeps around because they like it, or have self-esteem issues.

Big girls stink. OK we shower, like everyone, with soap and water, we shampoo our hair, we wear perfume. I mean come on! We even lift the rolls to rub soap under them.

Big girls can’t wear heels. Just visit my closet. It’s just a matter of being comfortable in the shoes you wear. I know plenty skinny girls who walk barefoot around the club while I still have my heels on.

Big girls have illnesses. By that they usually mean diabetes, high blood pressure, cholesterol and the others. While it has been scientifically proven that obesity does generate some of these illnesses, it doesn’t mean that we automatically have them. I am proud to say I don’t have any of them. To quote my doctor, I am the healthiest fat person he has met. So don’t assume. An illness is an unfortunate thing people, fat or skinny, may have to endure.

Big girls don’t work out. There is a reason you don’t see us at the gym, it’s because of all the skinny, skin and bones chicks that are at the gym, complaining about how big their thighs are, or how they had a bite of chocolate today so they have to run an extra hour on the treadmill. It makes us uncomfortable. Our fat will jiggle, and we probably won’t do the moves right. That place makes us vulnerable; we can’t help it, so adding judgmental shallow people to the mix is a recipe for failure. But we do do other things, for example I dance and if I may say I am very good at it.

Big girls can cook. Ask my husband, I can burn the house down trying to make eggs. So y’all just think that we cook to eat hence why we are big? Well I can’t cook, I am not even interested in learning how to.

These are a few of the things I’ve heard before that pop to my mind. People rarely think about the impact of the crap they say; they fail to remember that your size doesn’t remove your feelings. Some of the things people say can be so mean and hurtful but they say them regardless. And some girls, fat or skinny, can be so crushed when they hear these things.

Now next time you want to make a joke about a girl being fat, or even if it isn’t a joke, think twice, we already have it hard finding clothes or fitting in  airplane seats (a whole other story that I will probably share too); just keep your thoughts to yourself.

Until next time my fellow fatties, friends and readers (you too haters, I know y’all can’t help but secretly read). Stay fabulous! #teamsexypatate

They say shopping is therapy...NOT

The hardest thing when you have a great fashion sense, like mine, is not finding the pieces you want in your size. Now I've seen girls squeeze themselves into clothes that clearly hurt their blood circulation. Boo, you got into it but it does not fit!!!! That is not cute.

Anywho, how many times have you spent hours in a freakin store, going through rack after rack to walk out empty handed? Or better yet, there are plus size racks but everything looks like a couch cover, a grandmas curtain or straight out of a Salem witch movie? Wait there is worst, they have cute stuff, it's says its plus size, yet absolutely nothing fits, and you end up feeling like the biggest looser ever, fat as hell with the urge of eating a bucket of chocolate ice-cream. And apparently i missed the memo that said that being fat means having lots of money. Try walking in a plus size store with a hundred bucks, you'll walk out with a pair of jeans and two panties, and that is not the sexy kind oh no, more like the parachute I'm on my period type. So yeah, if you're a size 12 or more, shopping is pretty much an acrobatic adventure where you should magically be able to shift fat from the front to the back to fit in and like what you're buying.  Seriously though, it is a super stressful experience where openminded-ness and creativity must merge for you to be slightly satisfied with your purchases. Building your sexy patate wardrobe requires patience and a great memory, as the pieces are gonna come from a variety of places you'll visit on different occasions, so you have to be able to remember almost everything you own and be able to match items in your head (which is sometimes fatal but that's a whole other story, coming up soon)

How about going to stores with your friends, your size 0, size 4, size 6 friends, who have no business going into the plus size specialized stores so you end up in all the tiny clothes stores where you know for a fact you'll find nothing that fits besides accessories but will love so many things, and your masochist self combs those racks with them, picturing the outfits you'd put together with this and that piece. That is until a rude salesperson snaps you out of it by saying "we don't carry this in your size". (Then you mentally rip her eyes out and break her neck).

That said I have become an expert sexy patate shopper, collecting unique clothing (one of the pluses, you rarely find people with the same outfits as you) and knowing exactly where to shop so no more wasting time. I also know my body type and size. Not everything that fits looks good, and even if you were a size 14 last time you shopped, it's ok to admit to yourself that now you are a size 18. The gut that is sitting right under your boobs is real, it does not go away because you think it does, so stop, do not buy that tight dress nor this bikini (anyway you are in the size range where they should not make bikinis and you should not even think of wearing one), put that crop top back on its hanger. Do grab a great pair of spanx though (i call them "ramasse graisse"), you can thank me later and no one will know.

Now next time you see one sexy patate, looking hella sexy and fine, take the time to compliment her because she put a whole lot of work, sweat (and probably self control) into looking this good. Never mind that she is probably only half breathing to keep everything wrapped up!

Big sis demanded I watch my mouth from now on, notice how I obliged. 

Until next time my fellow fatties, friends and readers (you too haters, I know y’all can’t help but secretly read). Stay fabulous! #teamsexypatate

Welcome to my world

Before I start, I should probably apologize for my language. I am a swearer (except when my mom is around), so yeah expect some profanities here and there and forgive me from the get go. I should probably define the name I chose for my blog.  But first what is a "Sexy Patate". It describes a woman, who,like me, is sexy as fuck in her mind and is fat. Notice I didn't say "but is fat" because I don't think fat is a bad thing, maybe bad for your health but not bad image wise. It is  a voluptuous plus-sized woman who understands her body, who isn't afraid of her curves, dresses her size without dressing old per say and exudes sexiness without being trashy. In other words it is a fat woman that isn't in denial of her fatness so she dresses accordingly and walks around with all the confidence and poise in the world. So again, me!!! Now don't go confusing us with what they call the "thick" girls, these are just skinny girls with big booties. 

 I decided to write a blog because I am pretty sure plenty people can relate to my stories,or learn a thing or two from them. And probably because in my conceitedness I feel that I am super awesome and I should maximize the amount of people that can have a glimpse of my life. More importantly I feel like my fellow fatties need some validating. Yes we are fat, but we can be fabulous. I'm living proof of that.

For those who don't know me,  I'm fully plus size, I have yoyoed through sizes all my life, from my smallest 14 to my biggest, a whopping size 24.  I have tried many diets and weight loss plans, I've had a stomach reduction, and I am still thinking of plastic surgery: liposuction, tummy tuck, torpedo titties, the works!!! (Wait till I get the money, you'll see). So no, I'm not another anorexic bitch trying to tell you how I lost 30lbs and went from a size 12 to a size 3. Anyways in plus size world, 30lbs gets you from a size 22 to a 20, one size down that is all. So yeah, I'm just a size 16, sometimes 18, sometimes 14, crazy girl,  trying to share with the world, what it is like to be fat in a society where beauty is defined by single digits sizes. 

So come into my "Sexy Patate" world, leave your judgement at the door, cuz ain't nobody got time for that, and dive into a world that noone ever talks about, until now.