Sexy Patate 2.0

Hey guys,

I am so excited to be back at this. So excited that I don't even know where to start. 

I cannot believe it has been more than 4 years since my last post! So much has happened since then. Some I will share, some maybe not but, wow, I feel like such a different person. Rereading my previous entries made me realize how much growth and maturity I have acquired through the years. I feel like I have stories for days. Let's start with the most obvious (literally) one: I got plastic surgery!!!

Now let me explain this. Remember how I had lost a bunch of weight (about 130lbs). Fastforward a few years I got married, had a kid, divorced, plus stress of life and all that, i probably gained a good 50 back. But, that stomach of mine, which I've had since forever, even with less weight never went anywhere. It just got flabby. So, no lie, I cannot remember one time I've been able to look down and see my vagineeee (in my Anna voice). Until now that is!!! YES I can see my glorious privates without lifting any skin and I LOVE IT!!!

I've been thinking long and hard for a while about it and last month, I just took the plunge. Now I'm only like 2 weeks post "abdominoplasty" which is a tummy tuck + lateral lipo, so I cannot tell you yet what the end result will be, but I can see IT. 

It probably sounds so stupid to most of you, but I am sure someone, somewhere, knows exactly what I am talking about. The most irritating shopping failure is when you have to go up a size because your extra stomach skin doesn’t fit. You know...

Mind you, I am still my delicious chunky, voluptuous, sexy patate self, just without a stomach, and probably a better defined waist down the line. And I feel happy about that.

Now if we are talking process, boy oh boy, what a painful thing it is! Maybe if I knew it was this painful I would have dealt with the skin lifting forever. So this better turn out amazing. I didn’t have a natural birth, but I imagine the pain to be really close to it. 

I was recommended a doctor in DR who told me without hesitation she could do it, regardless that my weight was on the heavy side. And she did! In total, she said she removed 17lbs of sagging skin, and 6 liters of fat from each of my side. 

My friends, let me tell you about the torture called liposuction! This bitch hurts like hell!!! And nobody told me that after that, you have to get regular massages because the area hardens. Nobody told me, that sometimes, it feels like a million spiders are crawling under your skin. Nobody told me that your skin may feel like it is on fire at random moments. And they certainly did not tell me about drainage. 

Let me tell you about drainage. How every Google article says they put a drain after surgery on average for 8 to 10 days. IM ON DAY 19!!! Yes, average flew by me in a race car. Apparently the fluids your body is pushing out should be under 50ml a day for the drains to be safe to come out. Tell me why this body of mine is still pushing 200 strong. The doctors seem ok with it so I am not worried, but there are no words to explain how annoying it is. First of all it's connected to your thigh. So you have to watch out every move you make, and me being the clumsy queen... Then, (je suis une femme de style) you have to be very creative to incorporate it in your wardrobe so it can be discrete. And then, you just want it out. I mean enough!

Then, as if it wasn’t enough ordeals, there is this devil made torture device called FAJA. It is a compression garment, probably made by Lucifer himself, to squeeze the air out of you. I swear! Apparently it is a body shaper, well it is, but Jesus it's a pain.

And how about sleeping in one position through it all! I have been sleeping on my back for 19 days straight and it must be the most uncomfortable, unresting, back-killing, "I hate the most now" sleeping position ever.

I know I'm complaining a whole lot, but I wanted to share the experience. I could have acted like I went on a diet and hit the gym, like some people out there do (we know them lol) but I choose to share. Because I've always been an honest, straight shooter. And I feel like misleading people desperately trying to lose weight is mean.

Now I saved money for this, but it wasn't overly expensive. The whole thing including airfare was under 5k. And it was time I offered myself something I really wanted. 

Now next time you see me, don't gossip to your friends. I did get some work done. Just remember I did this for me. For my satisfaction. It wasn't because of low self-esteem, nor poor body acceptance. It was to refine the gem that I am. 

Now I probably need to get my butt in the gym for real cuz them arms and thighs... yeah we gotta work on them. 

Until next time my fellow fatties, friends and readers (you too haters, I know y’all can’t help but secretly read). Stay fabulous! #teamsexypatate